Sexuality drives the secular world. One place we are called to NOT conform to the pattern of this world is Pornography.
Pornography is very damaging to marriage and to all of human sexuality. Filling one's mind with unnatural and fictitious scenarios can lead to expectations and demands that are not healthy or natural. It can lead to fantasies that are sinful and damage not only marriage but relationships with other men and women in your life. You will find yourself thinking thoughts about strangers and even close friends you would never have thought without your use of pornography.
Pornography is addictive. It is easy to access today through the internet. It is sin and WILL damage your marriage. As a single person, it will damage your thinking about sexuality and when you marry it will cause expectations that will lead to difficulties in your marriage, guaranteed.
Pornography is demeaning to the men and women who participate. Sexuality is supposed to be a blessing for the married couple. Pornography creates circumstances that present sexuality as something to share with anyone, at any time, and in any place.
There are several organizations that will help men and women free themselves from the addiction of pornography. Below are some great links.
http://www.covenanteyes.com/eyepromise/
http://www.promisekeepers.org/help-with-sexual-purity
http://www.promisekeepers.org/news/052008/court-ruling-redefines-marriage
These are some of the links found at Promise Keepers' web page. Focus on the Family also has some articles of interest. I will quote the opening of one article.
Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted to it. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage and children. That kind of damage is bad enough. And porn isn't the only ingredient in addiction. Usually, those who become addicted have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really take root.
Some of you reading this will become addicted, like I was. The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great for business. An addicted customer keeps coming back for more. And so they fill their porn with images that will excite you, arouse you and get the hormones flowing. You don't have to shoot up any drug with a needle to get addicted to porn — your body will make its own drugs just by looking at the pictures. Dr. Victor Cline says that sex and pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine.
To read the rest of the article go to the following link:http://www.family.org/lifechallenges/A000000208.cfm
Are there other sources people have found to help them with this addiction? It IS damaging to humanity.
Your thoughts?
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6 comments:
I am thankful that you have brought this subject to your Blog.
When the word porn comes out most people think that it is just men that become involved. Women are also involved with porn. I believe their addiction is in what they read. Have you seen some of the filth that is in these romance novels now? Men get their "high" from visuals and women get their "high" from reading and becoming involved in the characters that are in these novels/books.
an accountability program that i use can be found on www.xxxchurch.com.
It is called X3 watch and it sends a list of questionable websites to an accountability partner of your choice.
It really helps!
check it out
The first responder brings up an important point, that what is taken as pornography can vary from person to person. As an artist, I've found the following definition useful: pornography is anything that intentionally incites a person to lust.
First, let's take the obvious: nudity. Many people equate nudity with pornography, but, as an artist, I can tell you that it's more complicated than that. In the visual arts, let's say photography, you have nude photography, which is subdivided into a whole bunch of categories: naked photography (nude photographs with little or no subtext, e.g. a medical photograph, a photo of a baby in its "birthday suit" - you know, those pictures relegated to a photo album you hoped your parents would never share with anyone, but did), abstract nudes (the subtext being the lines and shapes of the subject or, more likely, part of the subject, like a face, foot, hands, or belly), psychological nudes (the subtext being the subject's state of mind - minus the clothes to accentuate the personhood of the individual rather than his/her role in society, as evidenced by the "uniform" of clothes), erotic photography (the subtext being, Look at me, I'm sexual - a celebration of sexuality), and pornography (the subtext being, Look at me and want me - an invitation to lust). Generally, abstract and psychological nudes are perceived as art. Erotic photography is also considered art, but it can go too far. Do note that erotic photography and pornography are similar in that sexuality is the focus of the pictures, but the key difference is usually this: the subject is usually NOT looking at the camera in erotic photography. In pornography, the model is often looking at the camera (at you) and purposely calling you to lust. Basically, the expression on the face determines in which of those two categories the picture falls.
There is a problem with the above example. Although only one of those categories is intentially pornographic, any one of them can be perceived as pornographic by the susceptible soul. Just as one person's trash can be another's treasure, one person's art can be another person's pornography. Consequently, it may be helpful to coin two terms: intentional pornography and functional pornography. Intentional pornography is that which purposely tries to make you lust. Functional pornography is anything that, despite its best intentions, brings you to lust anyway. In the former case, the pornography itself is the temptation, the spark that ignites lust in the heart of the viewer. In the latter, it's the viewer's preexisting lust, perhaps dormant, that seizes and corrupts the image into something pornographic to fan the flames of the lust already there.
To make matters worse, in the visual arts, you can have a picture be pornographic and involve NO genital nudity. An example: I was driving to work and saw a billboard advertising blue jeans. It pictured the lower torso and pelvis of some person, male or female I can't remember. The person's torso was naked (you could see the bellybutton), and his/her jeans were partly unzipped. The photo was composed such that the wedge formed by the unzipped part of the jeans pointed toward the lower intersection of thirds, one of those areas of a picture that the eye naturally goes to. So, I see this picture, and my eye naturally follows the arrow of that wedge to a spot that is still clothed - and I immediately recoiled, because I realized that I was supposed to be WANTING to see what was under those jeans. Yech! To me, that picture was intentional pornography; however, maybe someone else would be unfazed by it and think differently.
You can apply this same kind of analysis to sculpture, paintings, literature, cartoons, comics, commercials, movies, television, and the like. It all boils down to context, intent, and what you bring to the table.
What do you do if you conclude that something is pornography to you, irregardless of whether it is intentionally pornographic or not? For me, I find that I must hate it. I must utterly reject it. And then...I must let it go. For to dwell on it, to think about how I'm not thinking about it or acting on it, to remember it, is to give it power. I'm a sinner. I have no power, in and of myself, to do anything truly good. My righteousness is as filthy rags in comparison to God's righteousness. The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. It's TOO easy to believe I can control myself. So, I avoid pretending I can control myself, ask Jesus for His help, and let it go, let Him take care of it. If I stumble, if I care more about myself than I do about my Lord and give in, I confess it, repent of it, and move on. I must live in the present, in the moment, with my Lord. I must walk in the Spirit...and it's so hard to walk forward if you are always looking backward. As I do this, I find that the lure of such things diminishes.
Nevertheless, that lure never dies. It sleeps, one ear cocked and waiting to hear the whispers that will awaken it again.
(I should point out that the lust discussed above was sexual lust. But, if you accept my definition and take the BIG picture, the car commercial that tempts you to buy that car to boost your pride and standing...that's pornography, too.)
I conclude by mentioning BVDs - Beliefs, Values, and Deeds. If our deeds are sinful, they are motivated by wrong values. If we have wrong values, they are fueled by our belief in a lie. For those grappling with pornography and its effects on themselves and others, consider: What do you value in the pornography? What do you believe that causes you to value that aspect of the pornography? Is that belief a lie? For example, if you value pornography because it meets your needs, then perhaps you believe that you deserve to have your needs met, no matter what. In a marriage, we deserve to have our needs met...but the "no matter what" part would be the lie. Sometimes we don't get what we want or need, and even though we deserve it, we must be content without it. To believe "no matter what" excuses behavior that leads elsewhere. It is the truth that will set us free.
Yes porn isn't just a a male problem but it is also a female problem even though males out number females in this struggle. I agree with pastor that it will damage you marriage and give you a warped perspective, expectation, and understanding in your marriage and or future marriage. The biggest problem with sexual sin is that most keep it hidden and try to fight it alone. The way to beat this and any other struggle is to repent,pray, seek forgiveness, memorize the Word, and strong accountability.
This struggle/sin hurts a lot of relationships but know that it is a battle worth fighting for and to win. Having the right godly actions towards your spouse as being the only godly way to express, have needs met, and desires fulfilled is the way God designed it to be. And by doing it God's makes the both of you extreme happy, blessed and fulfilled.
Pastor is there a way to have men and women chat or forum or message board. I know we will all need to move to a face to face accountability but it might help to have one for people come and share as a first step in the process to victory of this struggle.
My husband has a problem with pornography. When we were first married it made me uncomfortable, but I couldn't really put a finger on why. Since he didn't view the pornography often, I ignored it.
But each time I would find a video, I would feel worse. I began to wonder what he was NOT getting from me, and thus seeking in the pornography. Was I too fat? too boring?
Then we got internet access. The ease with which pornography is available, the astonishing variety, and the impossibility of blocking it all, was quickly overwhelming. The filters can't keep up with new sites being created.
The effect on our relationship was unpleasant, to put it mildly. I always wondered what images were in his mind when we were together, and what he was doing on the computer when I was not around. I searched the computer, deleted files, destroyed DVDs, and didn't trust him at all.
After a few giant crises in our marriage, my husband seems to have pushed the pornography away. But in witness of the damage it has done -- I still periodically check his internet use, and don't ever believe he has given up the behavior altogether. Most of the time I don't think about it, but when I do, I wonder when he'll fall again.
My husband's problem began when he was young and single. Our culture says such viewing behavior is normal for boys and young men. But it damages their view of not only the women participating, but the women they will eventually marry. Men cannot just turn those images off when they find a woman they love. Just as we may have "flashbacks" to previous behavior, we can have flashbacks to previous images we have viewed.
Keeping our minds free of sexual sin is just as vital as keeping our bodies pure. The consequences may be more subtle, and take longer to appear, but they are just as damaging to relationships both with spouses and with God.
I loved the Promise Keepers conference this year. I loved this story: http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/08/21/stories-from-promise-keepers/
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