As a pastor, on one hand I work for God. On another hand it can be said I work for 400-500 people who make up the congregation I serve.
After 30 plus years of doing my job and countless years of training and several degrees, I still don’t always hit the nail on the head in everything I do. I admit that I make mistakes or miss things from time to time. I have even asked the SPRC committee and even the entire congregation to help me see where I fall short in serving the congregation as pastor. I would like to take the space of this article to share some insights as how best to go about that process. How to best critique your pastor (or anyone).
Critiquing people is an art. The old adage that you can get more flies with honey than vinegar is very true. The way we critique a person or an event is almost as important as what we have to say in our critique. If the person/group being critiqued won’t receive the information because of how it is offered, then it hasn’t done any good, now does it.
A great example is found in Revelation as God critiqued the seven churches. Here is an example.
Revelation 2:18-20 – 18 "To the angel of the church in Thyatira write: These are the words of the Son of God, whose eyes are like blazing fire and whose feet are like burnished bronze. 19 I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first. 20 Nevertheless, I have this against you:
The critiquer identified His credentials for making such a critique, praised the one being critiqued, and then got into the critique. We don’t always follow such a godly method, now do we? Over the years I have had several persons in the congregations I have served feel the need to critique me on some aspect of my job. Some have critiqued the way I dress, or the amount of hair on my face, or head, the hours I keep, the behavior of my children, my sermons – content, length, purpose, etc. – and more.
I have asked for critique over the years, always wanting to learn, grow, and reach the people I am called to serve. Yet there is a way to critique that will have a positive impact and a way that will lead the hearer to the delete button quickly. Let me repeat that my staff and I are always open to ideas and helpful hints. What we will not take kindly to are people who can’t express themselves without belittling the one they are addressing. I have been critiqued by both positive and negative critiques over the years. I can tell you that the negative approach often makes me more concerned with the messenger. This is never the approach that should be taken. You want the message to stand out, not leave the person hearing your critique to wonder what the messenger’s motive was in sharing. It should be very clear that the message is being shared in love. That the intended purpose is to ask a question or give some
insight. And that you, the messenger, are open to a clear explanation of the issue at hand. Maybe, just maybe, the messenger giving the critique was missing something?
At times valid points are made in critiques that never get heard because of the manner in which we offer the critique. After all, your effort is to help the hearer of the critique, not beat them into submission! Right?
Your thoughts?
After 30 plus years of doing my job and countless years of training and several degrees, I still don’t always hit the nail on the head in everything I do. I admit that I make mistakes or miss things from time to time. I have even asked the SPRC committee and even the entire congregation to help me see where I fall short in serving the congregation as pastor. I would like to take the space of this article to share some insights as how best to go about that process. How to best critique your pastor (or anyone).
Critiquing people is an art. The old adage that you can get more flies with honey than vinegar is very true. The way we critique a person or an event is almost as important as what we have to say in our critique. If the person/group being critiqued won’t receive the information because of how it is offered, then it hasn’t done any good, now does it.
A great example is found in Revelation as God critiqued the seven churches. Here is an example.
Revelation 2:18-20 – 18 "To the angel of the church in Thyatira write: These are the words of the Son of God, whose eyes are like blazing fire and whose feet are like burnished bronze. 19 I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first. 20 Nevertheless, I have this against you:
The critiquer identified His credentials for making such a critique, praised the one being critiqued, and then got into the critique. We don’t always follow such a godly method, now do we? Over the years I have had several persons in the congregations I have served feel the need to critique me on some aspect of my job. Some have critiqued the way I dress, or the amount of hair on my face, or head, the hours I keep, the behavior of my children, my sermons – content, length, purpose, etc. – and more.
I have asked for critique over the years, always wanting to learn, grow, and reach the people I am called to serve. Yet there is a way to critique that will have a positive impact and a way that will lead the hearer to the delete button quickly. Let me repeat that my staff and I are always open to ideas and helpful hints. What we will not take kindly to are people who can’t express themselves without belittling the one they are addressing. I have been critiqued by both positive and negative critiques over the years. I can tell you that the negative approach often makes me more concerned with the messenger. This is never the approach that should be taken. You want the message to stand out, not leave the person hearing your critique to wonder what the messenger’s motive was in sharing. It should be very clear that the message is being shared in love. That the intended purpose is to ask a question or give some
insight. And that you, the messenger, are open to a clear explanation of the issue at hand. Maybe, just maybe, the messenger giving the critique was missing something?
At times valid points are made in critiques that never get heard because of the manner in which we offer the critique. After all, your effort is to help the hearer of the critique, not beat them into submission! Right?
Your thoughts?
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5 comments:
some people are simply negative people. at times I do not think they can control it. they simply see things from a negative view point.
Always sticking to the facts or drawing from one's personal experiences (right/wrong/indifferent)is usually the best critique. I think it's important though that on blogs, that the poster realizes usually the responder is simply responding to the post question and not to the blog gatekeeper. It is important to allow freedom, in a respectful means, to express open debates. Each person's life experiences and backgrounds do contribute to one's expressed views regardless of their advanced education or lack of. The key to remember is that there is only one-Judge, and as fleshly humans none of us qualify.
When I was growing up, my pastor was like a 3rdparent. He and his wife were approachable, he always had his Bible ready (he had it stolen out of his car once, and it made the 6:00 news--he told the thieves what to read!--he got everything back but his Bible) and you had a lot of respect for the man because he lived what he preached! A lot of what I do, believe and teach my kids is because of what he taught us. He and his wife had 5 kids, and no, they were not perfect, nor did they always behave properly, but he never stopped praying for them. He had a congregation of 400 people; he knew everyone by name.
Are you approachable? Are you a friend and good listener to everyone? Do you visit me when I need company? Do you know my name?
Or do you shun me because you have other things that you need to do and you're too busy?
I sure hope the last poster was speaking about pastors in general. I don't believe many if any pastors shun anyone on purpose.
What I have found is that some pastors have great memories. To remember the names of 400 plus people and their children is a gift for sure. I tend to have a limited memory but try, through repetition, to learn as many names as possible.
Some studies show that a "normal" senior pastor will be able to handle relationships of some level with 200-250 people. They suggest that you add a full time staff person for every 100 people after that point.
I have experienced that I have developed deeper relationships over the years with those who are highly active in the church (leadership and very active participants) and lesser relationships with other members and constituents. Maybe this comes about through contact. I will work on that area for sure.
Personalities also play a part in this process, although that may not always be the case. Pastor Charlie and I are different people, as are Brian Burger and Bibi Fuller, our interns. Between the four of us and others on staff, our hope is that we will be able to connect with most people on a given level.
I would pray that no one feels shunned or ignored. If you feel that way, I apologize and would encourage the poster to come forward and share their heart with us personally. Also, please try to stay away from comparing pastors. We are all unique and there is something good to gain from all of us, I pray.
Thanks for the insights.
Your points are well said. The only extension I would make to them is this; at times, the one critiquing has an emotional attachment to the issue and may not come across with all the etiquette and politeness we would hope for. In such times - which hopefully are rare for each of us - I think we need to simply tough it out and get past the venting to the meat of the issue. I am not one who buys into the idea that we are all fragile and MUST be handled with care. Life is tough; get up! So, sometimes dealing with others is tough. Expect it. Now, having said this, I am not advocating spleen venting in every criticism. We should aim for grace filled speech, but remember that it is a "perfect man" who is never at fault in what he says. I don't know many (any) perfect people.
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