I recently made a statement that one of the keys to a successful marriage was for both partners to wait until marriage to become sexually active. That is the ideal. Unfortunately mail has been coming in to suggest that many do not get the ideal. I wanted to address some of the questions addressed to me recently (coming in posts I didn't post).
--What if we didn't wait?
--What is an acceptable request from one partner to another?
--How do you get past the past?
--What impact does pornography have on the marriage?
--How can I forgive infidelity?
--How can I improve my attitude toward sexual relations with my spouse?
These are some tough questions and I will try to give some solid answers. I will not cover them all I know.
Paul pleaded with God to remove something from his life/body and pleaded over and over. God didn't remove the item, to our knowledge, but did tell Paul that His grace was sufficient for all he would face.
2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
God's grace can help us face any sin or weakness, past or present. God can also help us forgive our partner. Their repentance and new walk is very important in this process. We do not need to live in fear or guilt of the past. Satan is the one who tries to keep us in the past. God will forgive us. The issue often is forgiving ourselves.
Paul writes about sexual behavior in 1 Corinthians 6. Sunday I quoted 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 in my sermon. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. I centered on the fact that we were bought and paid for, called to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. The verse before these Paul writes this: 1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Sexual sin can be devastating because it involves our whole being. Yet, because sex involves the whole being, when shared as God planned, in the context of marriage, it can be a fantastic experience.
Paul then writes about marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 - 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Some believe that Paul was married at one time. According to Jewish law, to be a Pharisee he would have been married. But something seemed to happen to his wife. Either as a strict Jew she left him when he went astray in the sect of Christianity (from the Jewish point of view), or she died, or something else happened. Paul seems to present himself as single in this passage and in other places and claims that one can give more of him/herself to God if they are not married. Probably part of where the Catholics get their view on singleness for their priests and nuns.
Paul gives a word for the married in the 7th chapter. He writes that it is good to marry, if we cannot control our sexual desires. He writes that one man should have one wife and one woman should have one husband, God's design. This was God's plan from the beginning but many in Biblical days didn't follow this practice. The Bible is neat; it reports warts and all. What the Bible reports people doing is not the Bible saying that what they did was following God's command. God many times used them in spite of their sinful behavior. God forgave them an used them for His glory.
Sexuality is an important part of marriage as Paul writes: 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
It seems to suggest that we belong to each other, even sexually. Having said that, sexuality should be mutually satisfying. I say this because of the question that came to me concerning what is acceptable sexual activity for a husband and wife. Unfortunately some seek their satisfaction without concern for their partner's. Still others are corrupted by past experiences with pornography, which presents a very tainted picture of sexuality, a very worldly view. This can cause a desire that is unnatural or uncomfortable for the other partner. Sexuality is God's gift and to be enjoyed by married couples.
My blanket suggestion, dangerous without individual cases, would be that sexuality between a husband and wife has no bounds except what is acceptable to the couple. If a partner feels uncomfortable by this relationship, they will not find fulfillment in it and it WILL affect the marriage relationship. Having said that - both partners should desire to please the other.
I know I will get comments - I did not have time to cover everything - nor did I try. I tried to answer some general questions. I gave it a shot. I also know this is pretty in your face stuff but two posters had serious questions and wouldn't come forth so I had to address them this way.
If this is offensive, please forgive me.
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