Are you married and yet feel single? Why and in what ways?
This is a question that is very personal! I would ask that everyone answer anonymously please. The purpose of this question is to awaken some of us who are married to understand our mates better - the reasons some feel single even though they are married. Please remember we have a wide audience and our examples or word pictures that answer this question should be G rated.
Posts
When Quoting Scripture Inflicts Harm
6 years ago
23 comments:
i sit alone each night as he watches his sports and we never spend time talking anymore
Since the children she does not seem to have time for me or affection for me.
At times yes. When it comes to being physical I have been told to take care it myself before. I know she loves me and is in love with me but at times it is hard to feel the love. I know I could do better to.
Could we do a church wide couples retreat?
Absolutely not! While my wife and I do have individual time some nights, we do have set nights to spend time together, whether it is watching our favorite shows or talking or what-ever.
You would think that me being 943 miles away from my home and wifey, I would feel single, but that is hardly the case with me. We call each other quite often to check in and stay connected (as was preached on Sunday). I keep a picture of her and my son close by and think and pray for them often. Oh speaking of which... I better call and get her some flowers for Valentines day or i will be disconnected!
Mike
It seems like the only time he wants to spend time with me is when he wants something, know what I mean? When we dated, we talked all the time and touched without it leading further than a hug, a kiss, a snuggle. That is lost!
At times I feel like I am the fifth wheel in the home with the three children and my wife being the four wheels and I am in the trunk.
I never have felt single in my marriage. We are by no means perfect but we have always felt connected and in love. My job at times has causes some grief with working on project well into the night and going on trips but we work through those times. I love being married to my wife.
Couples retreat. That sounds fun and worthy.
He treats me like his possession. When he looks at me he just sees body parts, not a woman wonderfully made in the image of God. I don’t feel single, just sometimes wish I were. Can you teach a series of classes for men and women separately on how to see each other from God’s perspective? Maybe if we learned how to see each other through God’s eyes our marriages would be a lot better.
Not only am I happily married, I can't remember what it was like to be single, nor would I want to.
Neither of us is perfect, but we're perfect for each other.
Seems there is a lot of pain caused by breakdowns in communication (both transmitted and received communication). I wouldn't begin to presume that we have it right, but what we have seems to be right.....for us.
So do I read that some folks would be interested in some marriage enrichment classes? And maybe even a weekend for couples?
I hear some pain in the responses so far. It has been my experience in counseling that unless we are communicating our hurt to our partner, many partners are clueless to the pain they are causing. Unless there is clear communication, men many times respond with surprise when the wife reaches a point where she wants out of the marriage.
In love, express yourself to your partner. Come in to talk with Pastor Charlie or myself.
There are a number of books and programs for marriage enrichment we could investigate and share. Anyone interested in a Wednesday night group, say 6-12 weeks, discussing our marriages?
There are such a mixed group of responses on this topic. I read some and think great and I read others and think that is too bad. I wonder if my wife wrote any of these. There is only one way to find out. I have to ask..... To answer the post I believe our marriage is a strong marriage and neither one of us feel single..... well I don't.
THERE ARE TIMES I FEEL SINGLE. THERE ARE ALSO TIMES I WISHED I WERE SINGLE. BUT MOSTLY THERE ARE TIMES I WISH MY MARRIAGE WAS BETTER.
I would be open to a short term class. I am not sure about my wife.
Certaintly some serious heartbreak statements made. I think the is one area any church needs look into. This past MO's sermon was about being "connected", well what better place to start than in our marriages. The devil seeks to destory connectnedness in our marriages more so than any other area! Creating an open and ongoing communication early on in a marriage can prevent the cement walls that can easily be bricked upon brick shortly over the years leading to a less than ideal union.
A Wed class or some hour 2-3 week or once per month class may be a good choice.
Where do you begin to find healing when your husband says something that hurts you so much you can't even stand to be in the same room with him? Or when you have been hurt so often that you can't seem to find a desire to even want to work it out? When you have heard his empty apologies one too many times that they mean nothing now? When it hurts too much to pray?
It seems like to me that there are a lot of marriages hurting. Yea a class would be OK but I am siding with those who have expressed an interest in a retreat. There is something great about getting away. I don't know if a class will really get us as couples to connect. From the strongest marriages to the weakest we all can improve. There are some hurting wives and husbands. I hope there is something more to this then just no named blog post. I hope healing and real connecting can come out of this. I know this has sparked conversation i my marriage. I just hope more will come out of this. Lord help all of our marriages.
a short term class might be good. there are a number of good teaches on dvd these days. we could watch together and discuss as a group.
My marriage is so damaged I am not sure anything could save it but I am willing to try.
I agree with Anon 1:37. I think this is bigger than something to just throw another class at. A weekend away seems like a better idea. Getting couples away from the "norm" and their comfort zones will help them to focus on each other.
The problem I have with classes is that you meet somewhere for an hour or two, then walk out of the Church and right back in to your normal surroundings and habits.
I have led relationship/marriage classes before, the tricky part is that BOTH parties must want to work through this to improve the relationship.
There is a great deal of pain posted in this thread.
First, please know that I love you and would love to make myself available to any of these posters to talk and walk with you through your pain.
Second, a truth that I have learned is we cannot change our partner, they must change themselves. We must work on ourselves. I have seen unsaved spouses come to Christ because their partner was working on being the best Christian and partner they could be, by God's grace.
Thirdly, anyone interested, I will be in the Upper Room tonight after the dinner to talk about marriage. Even if your marriage is the best ever, come and share and listen. Marriage is being attacked by the Devil at every turn and we need to protect it.
Lastly, for marriage to be healthy, there needs to be a relationship. Relationship is best built "together" - lol. I urge all partners to begin to talk more and more with your partner. Listen more! While they talk! Express yourself in love and earnestly seek your partner's blessing.
I am single but was happily married for 23 years and as I read some of these I had tears in my eyes. How can so many be so broken? What can be done to fix these broken hearts? I dont know the answer, but I do know you are all in my prayers. I pray that God would renew these relationships to be like when you all first met. I realize life may have taken down a different path from then but how do you get back to that place? It takes work my friends. But as good christians the Bible is very clear on the gift of marriage. I will pray that hearts can be healed and that hurtful words will have no meaning. My best advice is pray for each other as well.
On the one side of the coin we want to evolve spiritually, emotionally, professionally, etc. Unfortunately sometimes our evolution entirely changes who we once were. I think this is one of the reason so many marriages fall apart, especially in the latter years of the marriage.
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