Well, it seems of those who responded that 49% would be in favor of a marriage group. What would that look like for you? A weekend away? A weekly class/group? An open discussion time? Lessons taught about building your marriage? Give me some idea as to what would help you and your marriage the most.
I wonder why 51% said they were not interested? Are your marriages perfect?
Posts
When Quoting Scripture Inflicts Harm
6 years ago
12 comments:
Mine is.
Well mine can definitely use help, as could everyone else who is married. Hopefully those of us polled who said they were not interested weren't saying that because they don't want help, but more because they think they can work it out themselves.
I believe that refusing to ask for help from those who may have vast knowledge, or skills in a particular area are destined to fail. A person can ask a complete stranger for directions to the destination they are trying to find when they are "lost", but when we may be "lost" or on the wrong path in marriage we think we can get out a map and do it ourselves.
Remember Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins. Lets keep our marriages alive!!
Of course Bibi thinks I need more guidance than her (which is true) but even those of us in a "perfect" marriage can participate too. We "imperfect marriage" folks can learn from you.
So how bout it anonymous? Will you share the secret to your "perfect" marriage?
Sure Wes, it's real simple.
My marriage IS perfect. It is perfect for my partner and for me. It is most likely not going to be perfect by your standards, or anyone else's for that matter. Frankly, why should my marriage be measured by anyone else's ideas? They have not walked a mile in my shoes.
We have been with each other for over twenty years. We listen to each other, we make no decisions that affect the other without discussion and mutual agreement, we watch each other's backs, and we are each other's biggest fans. We hold hands, we laugh together, we have shared resources, and we have each others best interests at heart.
It's not rocket science, it's a lifestyle choice.
We have stood with each other when all others walked away, we have faced loneliness, criticism, loss and abandonment together, and through everything, we have stood together.
It's not a question of refusing to ask for help, it's a matter of facing the difficulties of making a marriage work and getting on with the task of making it work instead of looking to someone else for answers. The success of my marriage is my and my partner's responsibility, and no one else's.
You can call it pride if you like, but keep in mind that an element of pride is comparison. when I point out my perceived superiority in an area and in doing so hold others to meeting MY standard, that is pride. I did not and will not ask anyone to stack their marriage up against mine, the comparison would be irrelevant. What is perfect for you will not be perfect for me, and visa versa.
Many marriages over the years become solid, so they seem, until a tragedy or a change comes about in the marriage. Children moving out of the house creates an "empty nest" situation. An elderly parent becomes ill and must move in with you. Disabling illness for one partner that puts much more responsibility on the other partner. Losing a job, retirement, the list goes on and on. We must be equipped to deal with situations like this that arise. You think everything is good now, but we are always being tested. Do you have the armor of God to stand strong?
I think a Fri pm & some portion of a Sat day may be a good starting point. I would encourage overall group discussion time and breaking down into same gender small breakout groups. Questions could be submitted by index cards. (no attempt to be made at "throwing a spouse under the bus" approach must be maintained) We all know we all fall short! At least I know I do any way. Then after the breakout groups the index cards could be used as a tool to discuss that areas of challenges, etc.. Education and knowing that there are many others who share similar struggles & finding means to navagiate is the key. Are we not to sure each other's burdens. As Christians we are to fight the good fight vs just getting the world's "counseling" viewpoints. Perhaps to another my marriage may be "good" by whatever definition that is, but I'd like it to be LOTS better, I think God wants mine to be LOTS better to. I've been in the game w/ as as one-time only marriage now for over 16years and feel I'm still on a learning curve, and I didn't get married to much later in life. I truly welcome a study group/training class etc.
joe wid--the sucess , to date,I'm working harder and smarter I think, of my marriage is primarly due to my wife being a forgiving person--I make comments in anger or hasty critizems and she very seldom shoots back--therefore no argument--usually I am mistaken--never go to sleep on an argument--treat her like you did when you were dating--don't be a bully--
I know my marriage has become stronger since we put God @ the center of it. We had some huge life changing events before we surrendered to Christ. These were "knocks" that God was giving us, steps to open our eyes. We realized that although all this horrible stuff had happened we were still together & we had our health. We knew this was not good luck but God talking to us. This is when we actively looked for a church home.
What do you do when you feel like you got married for the wrong reasons? When you have children that you don't want to hurt? When you realize that the very things that you need: intellectually stimulating conversation, mutual respect, go-getter mentality, are not the things your spouse can provide? When the pastor says marry the person, not who they promise to be, he can't be more right. The problem in my marriage is that I don't feel we are equally yoked and I didn't give that enough thought before we married. Now I'm torn. I don't want to hurt my spouse but I can't be happy with them either. My spouse doesn't understand how I feel and usually isn't willing to listen. They think I should be content with the way things are and I can't be. I'm scared to do what I know in my heart I need to do which is end my marriage. I'm making my spouse feel inadequate and I'm unfulfilled. I ask for your prayers.
Watch fireproof person above me;-)
I'm sorry, but with all due respect, isn't that answer a bit trite? I really hope that you aren't suggesting a movie is going to make a person who is a) obviously struggling in a failing relationship, and b) desperate enough for any sort of support as to post their plight on a web site, I really hope you aren't suggesting that watching a movie is suddenly going to make things better.
This person has asked for prayer, and they get a movie suggestion.
Hmmmmm......
To the poster from 10:51 am Saturday, please know that I am praying for you and your circumstance. You are not alone in your feelings. A number of people marry for the wrong reasons and later live to regret that decision. Nothing you can do about that decision but you can take time to pray about any decision you make now.
To young people reading this, please take time to prayerfully consider your partner to be from every angle. Do not think you will change them after you are married. If they express anger during a dating relationship it will only get worse when married. If they are not a Christian (not simply a church goer but a born again believer) don’t even date them is my advice. If they have habits you can’t accept, don’t marry them until they have freedom (for a long time) from that habit. I could go on. But, back to the current poster.
I would suggest that the poster come forward to speak with me or Pastor Charlie. If you are not ready to do so at this time I would make a few suggestions and maybe more in time.
Don't make any decisions from emotion. Find someone spiritually mature you can confide in who will not simply take your side and listen to their voice. Make it a piece of your decision making.
The children are extremely important. Yet staying married for the children's sake is not always the best thing for the children either. Damage can be done as children witness a very unhappy, even dysfunctional marriage -relationship.
I would find a way to begin to talk with your husband. Whether the marriage survives or not, you will eventually need to talk things out. I would also suggest that the two of you see your pastor or a professional counselor. Even if the marriage ends, you will want to know that you did everything you could before it ended.
Please come forward to speak with me.
Response to the "see Fireproof" comment, yes that was rather a trite reply. Let's remember that was "just" a movie. Also repling to putting "God" at the center and that alone can correct everything. Yes, God centered "together" can bring restoring, but it still takes lots hard, hard work and ability to listen/communicating/ and respecting the other's expression & viewpoints. Though two may be saved, that alone does not magically make an absolute wonderful marriage. Sometimes this gets exprssed thru the churc and it stops there. Again offering an in-house church discussion group/class, etc is a worthwhile effort.
Post a Comment