God must be all over this subject matter because so many have commented or e-mailed me or have approached me to talk. I thank everyone for their comments. Here are some thoughts that we plan to use for the upcoming Memorial Service. Any thoughts you might have that would help us would be greatly appreciated.
After much prayer and hearing comments for several persons we are reducing our target group for this first Memorial Service to those parents/grandparents who have lost children to miscarriages, still births or SIDS (sudden infant deaths syndrome). We are planning another event that will target those who have lost children through abortion at a later date.
Our plan is to have some conversations around grief and our loss before the Memorial Service. We are offering two ways to do this. Starting September 9th and running for three weeks through September 23rd we will offer a group setting for conversation starting at 9:30 am in the pastor’s office or if needed, the Conference Room upstairs in the office building. The pastor (Rev. Ray) and Betty Bergstrom (a licensed counselor and one who has experienced the loss of a miscarriage twice) will facilitate this discussion group. We are also offering a more private time on Sunday, September 9th, in the afternoon and again on September 23rd, if needed. We will offer half-an-hour sessions with the pastor and Betty beginning at 12:30. If we fill up the 9th we will take appointments for the 23rd. Please contact Rev. Ray to set up one of these sessions.
This is not meant to be an all encompassing event that will set everything right. It has been my experience that most everyone experiences death differently. This is only meant to help us deal with our loss, the death of a child.
The Memorial Service itself has been scheduled for Sunday evening at 6 pm in the Sanctuary, September 30th. Some of the features of this service will include a time for anyone to speak. We will also have a basket with a blanket or soft material in it. We would encourage those who attend to write a letter to their child or grandchild and to place that letter in the basket at a time during the service. We will plan to bury the letters in the churchyard somewhere and place a marker there or plant a memorial tree. Or we may burn them together and allow the smoke to rise to heaven and sprinkle the ashes. We plan to have a worship service as we cry out to God to help us heal from our hurts. As the church we also want to pledge our support to those in pain and to repent for not doing more in the past to help heal the wounds.
If you have experienced this hurt or know anyone in the community who has, please invite them. If you would simply like to help others heal from their pain, let me know. God will use us all to heal one another.
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9 comments:
I thought after 18 years, I had done as much crying and grieving as I could, but after Sunday's service I realized there is more work to do.
I've never shared my daughter Sarah with Mt. Oak before, they just know me as Josh and Julie's mom.
Thank you Pastor Ray.
i am sorry. in my trepidation.. i don't understand the separation of the orginal Memorial Service mentioned.
I am certain that each will be valid & good, but i thought the point was to recognize the infant in untimely death and about healing us as a body, a church, still alive. It may also be the first point of recognition for some to realize that by abortion an actual life had been taken. My concern is separation and signaling out, causing fear and separation, instaed of bringing us closer together as the family of One True God. but... you are likely right on target because so much healing is needed in each of our circumstances that to delineate between the two (basic issues?) could give more complete healing for each. as i said before, my fear is to cause separation & fingerpointing of "i lost my baby" vs "you killed your baby". The real issue is untimely death and separation and most of all to Heal hurting souls through Jesus the Christ.
hereigoagain... annm
no need to post if it causes more trepidation, unrest or aggitation. i know much prayer has gone into your decision and i will stand faithfully by it. thanks Rev. for caring enough to do something about our hurt & pain. such is a Christlike attitude. amen.
Annm makes a great point. The decision to separate miscarriages from abortions was not with the intent to point the finger but rather to allow for more concentration on each topic and allow for the most healing. This is why this manner of discussion is so helpful.
If separating them is seen as a finger pointing, we will connect them again. My goal is to allow a time of healing, not to cause more pain.
I'm of a mind to bring them all under the one service at this point as with the original post. I will listen to other comments before making this change public.
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Oringinally I thought it was a good idea to seperate the services. I'm not sure that words that are said during the service may unintentionally point the finger which will in turn cause more pain. I think that those of us who have had an abortion do enough inward finger pointing. I guess there is no way to avoid the inevitable.
It is unfortunate that shame will prevent some from seeking healing so how can we, the church, help to remove the shame? How can we, in essence, create a safe atmosphere? Let's face it, we are a group of humans who tend toward being judgmental! For me the risk is too high! How do I go from looking very good to admitting that I made the ultimate horrific decision to have an abortion? Even though it was over 30 years ago the shame is as real as it was the day I did it. If I feel this strongly how will people feel who "know" me and have to adjust their opinion of me?
I guess I feel that either way you decide to have the service I will probably not be there!
Unfortunately you are correct. Some will be judgmental. But, there are those of us who would embrace you with love and share your pain and burden. Hopefully this would allow you to receive a healing and maybe, finally after 30 years bring some closure to your pain. We will not point the finger at anyone during the service. All will come up at the same time to offer their letters and no one will ever read them. I hope that you attend.
Dear Pastor Ray,
The original plan for the memorial service may well be the best option. Provide the opportunity and let the people decide whether and how they want to participate.
Thank you for your caring leadership,
John H
If i am in town, i will plan to be at both, either way, One as a supporter, one as a griever healing. i also will send info to all my email buddies just incase they have the need for support, recognition, healing, or closure.
Thanks again.
annm
when I was around 25 years old a girl I dated twice came to me with the fact she was pregnant and need help. She needed money to pay for an abortion. I did have unprotected sex with her once, but did not believe that this child could be mine yet I paid for the abortion..... I do feel sad about this and have for a very long timebut at the time. We just could not see us being together, married and with a child. I'm thankful that I have had a chance to lay this at the feet of Jesus and hope other like myself will too.
I agree with your e-mail that you should go back to the first plan of having a service for all forms of infant death. Women who have lost babies from abortion will be more apt to step up for healing when they are not singled out. I hope that counceling or some kind of follow up is done afterwards though. I think that will be a very powerful service!
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